January 31, 2010


FEBRUARY 1, 2010

I want to share a story that stirred me last 2009. 
9 months ago, a long lost relative visited our home, and he gave me and my sister a deal regarding the board exam. He made sure that we will pass the NLE as long as we will support his newly built chapel in an old province (he's a pastor). I didn't agree of course, but someone made an agreement for me. It was a big thorn that broke my compassion, and it really distracted me while I was studying for the exam.
I didn't have anything to do but to PRAY. I told the Lord, that I don't want to pass the board exam in that way, I want a title that's made of my hard work. I'll always tell Him, that He KNOWS what's in my heart, and I know that he will NOT let that kind of dishonesty happen...
That moment, I didn't prayed for myself, I'll always pray for my friends and classmates, since I know that they deserve the title more than me.
As usual, God answered my prayers; I didn't pass the board last June 2009. At first thought, I felt depressed for the reason that I felt so embarrassed. 
But I was more than pleased because I realized that it's an ANSWERED PRAYER. I realized that God is listening to me. He listens, and He answered... And So, I have decided to take the courage to take one more board exam.
But when I was starting on my review for the second time, I lost my focus and forgot about my purpose, I became more excited about leaving home, and live with my friends. For one and a half month, I didn't prioritize my studies, I seldom be present at my review classes, I don't read my books and totally stopped thinking about my exam. I admit, I didn't have all that preparations.
But God is ALWAYS THERE to REMIND ME about my goals.
 I thought it’s too late to study, but He said "No, There's still one more month to study and pray...”
So, one month prior to the exam, I started to read as much as I can, I still rarely go to review classes, but I will make it to a point that I will read even one subject matter from my book.
That time, It hardened my FAITH again, so many trials came my way, heart breaks, calamity, including being homesick is considered a difficulty. I told myself, bahala na si Lord. Basta I did my best at naniniwala ako that I will pass the board exam, I might not know how but I know I will.
After the first day of our exam, I declared to myself that it’s very hard; but I wasn't nervous, I wasn't frightened for the next day because I believe that I have nothing to fear since the Lord is with me.

That night, I thought I was done with TRIALS, but I wasn't. My dad texted me, telling me that he was not feeling well and have a very high BP. I thought it was nothing severe because he really has a high Blood Pressure, so I just told him to take a rest and be asleep. 
December 2, 2009-  The day that I will finally go home to Cabanatuan City from Baguio City after three long months of review.. I thought it will be a good day but I was WRONG. As I have said, I was put on test again. My dad, suffered from a "mild" stroke. It didn't sink in into my mind that it was something serious, I thought it was just some kind of over fatigue or something.  
December 5, 2009- (Mom's Birthday) - Dad called to say that he is in the hospital. I was upset and I didn't know what to do. I don't know how to get to him, where to see him, and how to react. 
Five days after, me and my sisters at last came to see him, and when I did, I still didn't know how to act or what to say. My heart was breaking to see that he was lying in a hospital area without anybody with him but a friend. I felt blameworthy and I hated myself for not being there. But dad showed no anger; in fact, he was teasing and smiling around the whole time. He kept chatting with me while holding my hand, but I didn't know what to say. If I only knew that it will be the LAST DAY that we could talk, I should have told him how much I LOVE and TREASURE him.
I can still remember the glance on his face when I was helping him stand after falling from a chair, he looked like he wanted to tell me that "hey, I can stand, I can do this, don't worry, I’m your dad, I should be the one taking care of you."  My eyes couldn't even think that my heavy and strong dad is now skinny and weak, that he couldn't even help his self stand without help nor do his activities of daily living. 
Two days after that, Dad passed away, more excoriating pain were felt, sadder stories were heard and difficulties experienced.
I was frightened by the fact that no one will ever tell me again on how proud he is to have me, No one will CONSTANTLY tell me that he misses me and that he loves me. I also wondered who will text me that I can do EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING I want to do. In short, I was scared to be left by the ONLY MAN in my LIFE.
I truly felt so all alone when he passed on; Each moment without him is making me weak and lonely. Every day hurts and every memory is missed.
Sometimes, I would even find myself texting his number whenever I miss him; and will later become conscious that no one will reply at all. 

Yesterday, January 31, 2010 another TRUST testing day…
I woke up to a text message telling me that only 33% of board examiners passed the licensure exams. I started to suppose, na hindi na ata ako papasa. I lost all the hope and broke my faith that I will pass. Hours passed by, and I thought of going to mass, not for the reason that the results will be released but because I realized that I shouldn't doubt my faith, I should continue to trust him with all his plans for me.
While I was currently having a bite at Mc. Donalds, the result of the Nurses Licensure Examinations was finally released at about 10 p.m. A friend sent me a text message saying "Ui tikya, my result n dw.", as I read the message; I was astounded to feel that I wasn't excited because I thought it was just a false alarm or a joke.
When I got home, my sister is already glued at the computer, looking for the website that has the listing of passers... It wasn't easy to find the list, the site and the names, so as I look for it, I started to feel the anxiety, the fears and all. My hands were really shaking when I opened Facebook and saw all other passers, telling the world that they're RN's already. I asked everyone who’s online on what site I can possibly see the results... and when I finally opened the site............ tadaaahhhhhh!!!

I'm a Registered Nurse!!! I have achieved one goal that made me sob and giggle at the same time. Haha! I was so glad, everybody kept telling me "hindi ka makakatulog!" and they're right... Here I am, typing my thoughts... 
I was overwhelmed by all the compliments and love that my friends and family has been giving me, Congratulations doon, Congratulations dyan, Thank You doon, thank you dyan, and at the middle of my happiness, I felt a bit sad too. 
It's sad to imagine that My dad is not here to have fun with me any longer, It's unhappy to know that the MAN who has been strengthening my faith, is Not here to see the OUTGROWTH of my HARDSHIPS..
I can still recall when dad died, someone told me na "ok lang yan, malay mo maging RN ka, yun ang kapalit." ang sabi ko naman "Ang bigat naman ng Kapalit?”
But as time passed by, I understand that EVERYTHING IS GOD's WILL. I CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING IN THIS LIFE; Ang lahat ay aayon sa mga plano nya sabi nga nila.
I've realized that Daddy is already at PEACE and he is contented with the Lord.I wouldn't deprive him that kind of life for my selfish ways. It's hard; it hurts but I SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR HIM. Sabi nga nila, kapag may inalis si Lord sa buhay mo, may magandang Ipapalit.
Of course, I wouldn't replace my dad for this title but God knew what's BEST. If this is what He desires, then be it. I trust the Lord with all my heart, and I know he will guide me in every step of the way…

This is the thing that the LORD taught me in the last 10 months; And it’s called FAITH...
With God I know I can do whatever thing, I know that WITHOUT HIM, I wouldn't be where I am right now.
He's the only ONE that can make me feel at ease and happy.
Lord God, Thank you for everything, I know I've never been the good daughter but you always hear my prayers despite of my unworthiness and sinfulness.
Lord God, Thank You all over again for the continuous Blessings, You know how much I’m overwhelmed right now.
I still believe that As long as I am with you, I have NOTHING to be AFRAID of, NOTHING to DOUBT FOR... I Love You Lord and I WILL ALWAYS WILL.

I hope with this simple story, I can make someone comprehend that a significant thing that should be included in your life is a STRONG FAITH in God.
 Just believe, and It will surely happen. 

**Thank you everyone who has been constantly praying and supporting me since Day One.
I would also like to congratulate my PARENTS, for they are the inspiration of this achievement. Daddy I wish you're still here, I wish you're here to see me as a NURSE.
 Here’s my promise to you, the one we've been praying for. I’m now a Registered Nurse!!
If you can only read this, I would love to tell you, that you and mom are my driving force during the time of my review and exam. I will miss your sweet ways, your lambings, and jokes.
As I actually look at your picture now, I know you are my ANGEL, I know you're happy for me, and I will learn to be happy for you too. I will try my best to make use of what God gave me, and will help mommy in every way that I can.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to take care of you when you were still here with us; you know how much I Love You and nobody in this world can ever say to me that we were never there for you, you are our father, and not a soul will be able to take that away from us.
Thank You Dad for still giving me the strength to go on. I hope I can learn to live without crying over you.
I Love you so much Daddy, You will be forever in my heart. 
I will be always praying for you.

"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance."
"One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine who have only interests."
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without HOPE or Confidence."
Matthew 17:20
"I tell you the truth, If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there." and it will move."